Spoiler Alert: They Weren’t Thinking What You Thought

Witty Banter

We all do it—expect things from others and assume things about situations.
But have you ever noticed how these two ideas, while seemingly different, often walk hand in hand?

We talk about expectations as goals or hopes for the future.
We see assumptions as the invisible groundwork our thoughts stand on.
But in practice? They blur. They reinforce each other. And sometimes, they trap us.

Let’s unpack this strange little dance.

Expectations: Hopes in disguise

Expectations are like a to-do list we give to the world. We expect the flight to be on time, the coffee to be hot, the email to get a reply, the loved ones love you enough. Expectations are future-focused, often shaped by past experiences, desires, and what we believe should happen.

Some expectations are healthy—they help us plan, drive ambition, and set standards. But others can be unrealistic, unspoken, or even quietly destructive. It is like we keep expectations with ourselves for things but we never think if I don't get them done, then what? Also we keep unrealistic expectations that we know are impossible to achieve but still keep them, as we see those expectations as sense of hope, a hope we know for something to happen, knowing very well there is very little to no chance for it to happen. Once you start expecting things, you can't stop because hope keeps in you a veil of lies that it is possible.

Assumptions: Invisible agreements no one signed for

Sometimes I wish that we humans could read each other's mind to get things right but well we can't. So, we created a shortcut to ignore what other feels and just create assumptions in general. These are like an agreement you make others sign without them reading the terms and you consider it void until they rebel about it. 

Assumptions are the silent beliefs we rarely examine. They aren’t about what should happen, but what we believe already is. We assume people understand us. We assume we know why something happened. We assume we’re on the same page—without checking the page number. They save mental energy, sure. But they’re dangerous when left unspoken.

Imagine you're hiking through the forest. It's late afternoon, and you're tired. You see a large, flat rock ahead—finally, a place to sit and rest. You walk over, drop your backpack, and plop down onto it with a heavy sigh. Except… it's not a rock. It looked like a rock. It was shaped like a rock. But as soon as your weight hits it, it wobbles—and you realise it’s a moss-covered turtle the size of a small boulder. The poor turtle bolts (as fast as turtles can bolt), and you’re left half-startled, half-horrified, and now… without a seat. This is what assumptions do to us. They look solid. From a distance, they resemble certainty. But get too comfortable, and you’ll realise how fragile—and foolish—they can be. We assume because it feels like the right thing. It saves time. It gives a sense of control. But nature doesn’t care about what you assumed.

The Overlap

Let’s say you’re leading a project with your friends. You assume your friend knows the deliverable is due Friday. Based on that, you expect them to submit it by Friday morning. But your teammate assumed the deadline was Monday. Cue the confusion, disappointment, and that awkward moment when nobody really did anything wrong, yet things still go sideways. That’s the trouble—expectations built on assumptions feel justified, even when they’re not. We make assumptions on things and then this leads to making unrealistic expectations, which in turn are never fruitful at the end.

The Vicious Cycle of Assumptions

Here’s where things get really interesting—and messy.

1. You make an assumption without realising it.
   (“They should know I’m upset.”)

2. You build an expectation on top of that assumption.
   (“They’ll apologise soon.”)

3. Reality doesn’t align, because no one else had the same internal story.
   (“They didn’t even notice I was upset!”)

4. Frustration or resentment builds, but you say nothing—because shouldn’t they just know?

5. A new assumption is born: “They don’t care.”

And so the cycle loops. Quiet assumptions become unspoken expectations, unmet expectations become emotional responses, and emotional responses reinforce new assumptions. This feedback loop can poison relationships, break friendships, and erode trust—all because something was never said out loud.

Conclusion

Assumptions and expectations are like the wind and the sails—they quietly shape our direction, even when we don't see them. They aren't bad on their own. But when we confuse them, or leave them unspoken, we risk steering ourselves into unnecessary storms. 

So the next time you are confused and disappointed, just ask yourself one thing-

"Did I expect this? Or did I just assume it" 

You will save yourself and someone else from a lot of trouble. Maybe finally break the cycle of confusion and assumptions you are stuck in.